1. Our theme song does not conjur up images of Todd Johnston, V-Capri and 80's disco music
2. Our on field leaders are not wanted by police for questioning
3. Our captain doesn't leave his girlfriend stranded on Leach Hwy
4. Our Coach has a sense of humour
5. Our Coach does not call journalists *&# $**#@
6. We didn't lose the grand final by a kick
7. Our supporters don't bring their knitting needles to the game
8. Adrian Barich does not support our team
9. Howard Sattler does not support our team
10. "Jailbreak" (ACDC) is not our unofficial anthem